When I was six, my father lost his job. He managed a trucking company, and one day he went to work and found that he no longer had a job. I know exactly how this feels. He looked for a job, but wasn't able to find anything, or maybe my parents were just ready for a change. I'm not sure, since I was so young, and my parents are no longer here for me to ask.
After much deliberation, and long talks, I'm sure, they decided to move us to Miami, Florida to open a clothing store. I'm sure this was scary for them, and things were not always easy for us financially growing up, but I loved Florida. What kid wouldn't love being able to go to the beach all the time?
When the store failed, we moved to Reno, Nevada where my dad had taken a good job. We stayed there for another five years before my parents divorced and we moved back to Indiana. By this time my mother was sick and wanted us to be close to family. She died about a year and a half later and my brother and I went to Texas, where my father was now living. From there we went to Georgia, until my father's death a few years later. My brother and I came back home at this point, as there was no reason for us to stay in Georgia. We were only there because of our dad. I was 21 years old at this point, and my little brother was 18.
So how has this made me think of my childhood? Well, in planning this reunion, it makes me realize just how much I missed out on. Most people have friends that they have had since childhood. I can barely remember the names of a handful of my friends. I don't have those lifelong connections that other do, and I'm envious of those people.
In talking with family, preparing for this reunion, it has also brought to my attention all the things I missed out on by not being raised around all my aunts, uncles and cousins. For the most part, they all have this connection that I don't have. I didn't get to spend every Sunday at grandma's eating and spending time with family. I just realized yesterday that I didn't know my grandmother had a meal schedule. A different meal for each day of the week, and that each week, this menu was basically the same.
I'm jealous that I didn't get to grow up around my cousins. They know all these things about each other that I don't know. They've had all the great conversations that I wasn't a part of. It doesn't feel quite fair. But, at the same time, I've had experiences and socialized with so many different types of people. These are experiences that I would never have had if we hadn't moved all over the country. I learned so many things, and experienced things that my cousins didn't. So I guess, that wasn't fair to them. I just wish there had been more balance.
Even though we spent several of our summers visiting our grandparents and spending time with family, now it doesn't feel like it was enough. I have great memories of those summers. I loved spending time with both sets of my grandparents, and spending time with my aunts, uncles, and cousins. I guess I just wish I could have spent more time with them all, and built the kinds of relationships that they all have. I really hope that they aren't taking those relationships for granted. I would give anything to have that closeness they all share. These relationships are important, and while I have a couple of people in my family I've built what I think are close relationships, I realize that these relationships will never be what they would have been if I had grown up here, where my family is.
One other thing that I've come to realize...they didn't get to know my parents the way they should have either. My cousins never got to know just how wonderful and strong my mother was, or how my dad could be a lot of fun if the stars and planets aligned just right. How many things did they miss know about my parents? How many things do they not know about my brother, or about me? Probably just as many as I don't know about them. Maybe there is still time to change that.
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